“Clara, the girl that has been visiting our kingdom for the past five years, terrifying the local population and the young‘uns, with her wooden Nut-cracker, has finally got ‘bored with all this baby stuff’ as quoted from the patrolling barn mouse squad. The Sugar Plum Fairy regrets having ever made the wooden doll alive. She stated in the court hearing (in the presence of His Honor the Royal Badger) that she only did it because said girl was apparently lonely on Christmas day, that her brother was an ungrateful brat that got all the good presents and that since Clara seemed to be infatuated easily with woody creatures (like her cousin Edmund), she wanted to show her once and for all that she could be the protagonist of her own story”. Chief inspector set the newspaper down with a harrumph. Gerald was getting a bit carried away on the defense side it seemed.
“Margareeeet!” His wife would know what to think of this and soothe his spirits. She was probably in the pantry making gooseberry pie, a favorite for Christmas pudding and couldn’t hear him. Oh well, he stroked his whiskers as he carried on reading.
“The infamous Nutcracker is accused of cracking our nuts in a frenzy. He didn’t even spare the baby hazelnuts necessary for the celebration of Christmas. The girl Clara, is accused of blatant racism and of being too tall. When she crawled for the first time in the Mouse Kingdom she sent the precious lofts through the roof.” There was a box on the side interviewing the head of the Beaver Guild. Apparently they hadn’t chosen the smartest of the lot and the box simply read “Loft is for blackbirds you nut-whit. Without lofts, no blackbirds. Without blackbirds no post.” Chief Inspector set down the paper. He was going to have to have a word with Gerald. What he called “realism-journalism” was starting to get on the wrong side of his fur. At least he hadn’t forgotten to mention the loft issue. The inspector had personally been posted on re-arranging diplomatic issues with the blackbirds and the whole of the Christmas delivery of parcels and letters had to be dispatched to the roving bunnies. The most ungrateful and rough lot. Obviously all the post was delayed until Easter. A real disaster. Unfortunately, everyone seemed much more concerned with the racism and the nut- cracking than his acts of heroism to keep the postal service from collapsing.
“The defense states that the use of the term ‘Rats’ was not meant as an offense, all rodents known in the Human world having the same status. The Sugar Plum Fairy did not defend the Nutcracker on this count since his speech was so woody and ridiculous to hardly be meant as an offense”. This article was getting interesting. Chief inspector nibbled at his cheese sandwich and sipped his coffee that had gone cold. “The Woodpecker Prosecutor in chief retorted that not all Mice are the same in the Human world. He pointed out very sharply rapping on the table with his beak that Mice have been persecuted for centuries. The White Rats, for one, have suffered greatly of the infamous humans. Slavery and torture, forced nudity and inbreeding being a few of the crimes that the poor Creatures have suffered by the hand of the monstrosity called Lab. Without counting the countless infringements of the Kingdom by the House Cat. An abnormality if there ever was one. A cat so fat and so lazy that hunting mice has become a mere sport.” The inspector was impressed, it was a great discourse, he would have to congratulate Woodpecker and maybe send him a Christmas gift. He rubbed his paws musingly when he was interrupted by his wife. She bristled her whiskers in excitement, her bonnet quite askew. “Harold have you heard the news?”
Crafty Poulette 